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HOW THE BUSH DERANGEMENT SYNDROME GOT FIGURED OUT

(An unsolicited quest of a wandering microbiologist)

 
Charles Krauthammer, the Harvard-educated psychiatrist has recently discovered a mental condition, called Bush Derangement Syndrome.

 
 
Essentially, the patient strongly dislikes everything a person known as W does or does not
even if this person just feeds his dog, sharpens his pencils, or waters his bushes. Victims of the syndrome easily go off balance, rambling, fuming, foaming, trembling, shaking, epilepsy, apoplexy, apoptosis (cells decide to shut down).
 
Their hallucinations vary depending on the sort of the crowd the syndrome goes after.
 
When shown this:
 
 
 
 
 many patients see this:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Some patients (foaming pacifists) have visions like these:
 
 
 
 


 
 
 
 
or this
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
and this
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
Others (gas-guzzling environmentalists),

 
 
see him like this (caution, graphic, 118+ years old only)
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
Saddam's old buddy, French President Jacques Chirac
 
 
 
 
 
 
sees this
 
 
 
 
 
 
People with identity issues tend to have that sort of visions:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
or this
 
 
 
 
 
 
and bestiality enthusiasts - this:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
The syndrome is characterized also by disassociations with reality, leading to hallucinations like this:
 
 
 
 
 
 
Now, scientists have finally found what lurks behind this remarkable human condition.

 
Microbiologists have discovered two new bacteria throughout the US and elsewhere. A Staphylococcus bushiderangis and a
 
Staphylocheneys oilisyndromis

 
The latter was detected also near oil wells, and turned out to be even a more pathogenic one. It causes an acute mental disorder, known as Cheney-Induced Apoplexy.
 
 
Real images like this :
 

 
 
lead to hallucinations like this:
 

 
 
 
or this
 

 
 
 
Particularly susceptible to those two microorganisms are:

 
disgruntled existentialists,
 
ever-murmuring socialists,
 
foaming pacifists,
 
gas-guzzling environmentalists,
 
two-dimensional-cerebrum celebrities,
 
and a rambling mini-Godzilla, seen recently on the ABC’s hit show “The View”.
 
 
The bugs were found in particularly high concentrations in the LA Malibu area,
 
David Geffen’s 1-bedroom rented condo,
 
Ben Affleck’s teenage retainer
 
and
 
 
 George Clooney’s
 
 
 
 
movie script of Ocean 47.
 
 

Clooney is feverishly looking for sponsors for his latest $2.5 trillion project. His budget envisions a $13,000 check for everybody who would eventually overcome the repulsion and make it to the theatre.
 
All the funds raised so far for the '47 have allowed the following scene/frame to be shot so far:
 
 
 
 
 
Currently, Clooney is visiting Darfur and hoping to raise the money needed for the second frame.
 
 
Almost lethal concentrations of the bushiderangis bacteria were detected in :

the San Francisco bay area,
 
 
Jane Fonda’s helmet, a personal gift from Ho Chi Minh,
 
 
 
 
Susan Sarandon’s powder box,
 

 
 
and
 
 
armpits
 
 
 
 
 
and
 
 
 
Madame
 
 
 
 
 
Nancy Pelosi's eyelashes.
 
 
Ms Pelosi’s doctor grumbled out the following explanation:
 
 
Now we know how the world record of 3 million blinks per minute became possible.
 
 
 
A speaker for the madam speaker, however, offered a slightly different interpretation:
 
”Miss Nancy Pelosi is very proud to be the first woman speaker in the history of the US.
 
 
As such, Madame Speaker was able to blink with the speed of light for 54 minutes as Mr. Albert Einstein famously predicted in his special
relativity equation E = mc2 as shown on the following schematics:
 
 
Provided the distance between the Earth and Mars, blinking with the speed of light allows The Thrid in Line to transform and teleport herself from her earthy form :
 
 

 
 
 
into her genuine self
 
 
 

 
in a fairly short time when she needs to see her "other" constituency.
 
 
There is nothing else out of ordinary about Mme Speaker
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
she loves pets as any decent American :
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

and she loves our president :
 
 
 
 

 
and wishes him all the best,
 
meaning .....
 
 
to get back to his true self:
 
 

Mme Speaker loves children so very much, as well :

 
 
 
and more importantly, grown-ups with children brains:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 and she is ready to do for them everything within her Marsian powers :
 
 
 
 
 
 
Lethal doses of Staphylococcus bushiderangis were detected inside Michael Moore himself :
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
And in his Cuban-imported mobile colonoscopy package, a personal gift from Fidel Castro:
 
 

 Michael Moore's personal colonoscopy package 
 
 
 
 
 
When told about the discovery, Michael Moore slapped his forehead and said:
 
 
 
 
 
 
Eureka, that’s where the idea about my last documentary came from, people!
 
 
 
It’s da colon-based bug!
 
 
 
 
 
Without da bug, I'm not a sicko, people!
 

 
 
Staphylococcus bushiderangis was isolated on Alec Baldwin’s one way ticket to North Korea, as well.
 
 
 
 
 
Mr. Baldwin’s reaction was as follows:

If George W. Bush is elected president again in 2008, I’m really moving to North Korea this time, I promise!


Another very resilient bacteria seemed to have been growing on Mr. Baldwin’s speaker phone, however. Scientists found it to be a strain of Streptodaughters straightenupsis.

 
Mr. Baldwin’s comments on the discovery were as follows:

 
“I wondered why the handset smelled so funny.”



I’m gonna straighten up this little piggy phone.”

 
 
Staphylocheneys oilisyndromis was found in very high concentrations in

 
Keith Olbermann’s mouthwash,
 
 
 
 
 
Phil Donahue’s senility medication,
 
 

 
and Charlie Sheen’s emperor-sized sheets.
 
The one and a half man murmured out:
 
 
 
 
"I knew some of these girls would finally give me something nasty.
 
I will never, ever have any more promiscuous sex.
 
Well, not in the next 5 minutes and 45 seconds, that is."
 
The bacteria appeared to have grown really well
 
on Sean Penn’s moustache,
 
 
 
 

 
 
Barbara Boxer’s eyelash extensions,
 
 
 
 
 
and Barbra Streisand’s make-up kit.
 
 

The great Barbra admitted: Now I know why I’m losing my meeeem-ry, saaaaaaanity .
 
 
 
 
Amazingly, both species were found all over Dennis Kucinich’s sex fantasy costume:
 
 
 
1

 
 
They were also found in every wrinkle of Robert Redford’s face,
 
in Matt Damon’s nostrils (each bug occupying its own)
 
 

 
 
and

 
as Sigmund Freud has long ago predicted

 
on John Edward’s $2,000 worth hair shampoo.

2


 
 
It turned out that Mr. Edwards had known about the cheneysyndromis bacteria all along.
 
 
 
 
Grinning innocently,
 
 
 
 

 
 
he explained: “What do you think makes my hair extensions so perky,
 



 
 
and boyish
 
 
 


 
 
So, in order to have one America instead of the current two,

eat your yoghurt, fermented by the oilisyndromis bacteria only!
 
 
 
It will keep the one America mentally ok:
 
 
 
 
 
 
all the time.

 
 
The highest concentration, however, was detected in a tank of vallium, hidden in one of Rosie O’Donnell’s closets.
 


 
 
 
While hanging in her favorite upside down position,
 
 

 
Ms. O’Donnell was kind to share with us the following:

“M-mmmmm I’m lovin’ it. It keeps me sooooo
calm:
 
 
 
 

 
This thing also changes me completely.
 
 

I’m onto men again.
 
 

 
 
 
This Hugo Chavez is such a hot anti-Bushante!
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
And I hate Cindy Sheenan
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
I hate Cindy Sheenan !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
 
And Mahmudinejad
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
is gonna get Cheney

 
 
by the

…….ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

 
 
 
And Kim-Jong-il , mmmm, yummy!
 
 
 
 
 
 
Sometimes I feel so innocent:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Sometimes not so:
 
 
 
            
 
 
 
Sometimes like a baby:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Sometimes, like this baby's mother:
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
The hottest trail turned out to lead to a remote property of Hungarian-born billionaire, George Soros.
 
 
 
 
 
 
We were lucky to talk to Mr. Soros inside one of his estates:
 
 
 
 
“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhttttttt. We are not confirming or denying what we’re producing here,...errrr in out labs, ..... errrr except for, ..... errrrr it is working like a charm.

It is mutating real fast, and no antibiotic works for more than errrrr ... 37 seconds.

Move on, comrades!
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Textually, all rights are reserved for me :
 
 
 
 
 
Visually .....,
 
 
it is The Internet.